MY FIRST TEXT AFTER VIPASANA

As it is-

Doing the same thing everyday is pure insanity. I went through four stages everyday: stage 1- I am really happy and chirpy, doing weird stuff like examining trees, smelling flowers, observing lizards, inspecting earthworms, laughing at my own jokes and really happy that I didn’t need to address people (and its not rude to because its compulsory) and can continue doing what I am doing.! Stage 2- I am super serious bout meditating and I am tripping on meditation and I am finding clarity in some technique, thinking that its super sad this kinda of tranquility is like hidden from young people under the layers of religious and old people stuff. Stage 3 - I am super depressed and I want to run away, I am obsessing over this specific person or that specific memory, I need my phone, I want to listen to music, listen to a podcast, read book, meditation doesn’t seem that productive anymore. Stage 4- hungry :P So I would switch between these things pretty often. The first day was great, I was tripping on meditation and the second day I really grasped the breath technique. At one point deep in meditation I thought I was levitating, there was no pain and I saw a goddess (which I thought was me but later thought that it was just some projection) The discourses were rather delightful. Though I had a few problems - 1) Vipasana itself feels like a training to make you insensitive to sensations and thus emotions. So if I do close my emotion door it will be to all then - Good and Bad and if this is the essence of Buddha’s teaching, how is he so compassionate & loving (though examining it more now, I feel like the question it self is wrong & not well thought off)
if dhama is the law of nature then reproduction is the essence, stoping a new life is like going against it..? Nature wants us to keep getting new life.....?
I have a problem with any philosophy that claims itself to be the ultimate truth, I think ultimate truth can differ from people to people. Dhamma could be the ultimate truth for buddha’s but cannot be one for all 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think plato had a theory about how we dont see things the right way, because we haven’t ever seen the right thing- we’re in a cave looking at reflections of things.... so not the absolute truth... idk

Interestingly I thought on the 8th day that these teaching could be buddha but this situation and course is designed by Krishna for me. Like its his Rasleela, I’d image Krishna in deep space, floating with his eyes closed and dreaming of ways to mess with me (to help me in the end) & smiling as I suffer. Another interesting thing was on the 5th day I remember all my classical dance steps, which were super complicated and something I took in 7th grade! Also I started the trend of not wearing slippers in vipasana :P I don’t know how every single day passed. I was in pain mentally and physically (more mentally) but I knew I am not running away. Right now I feel really blissful and blessed 🌸
To Trent