I remember I didn’t want a lot as a child

I remember I didn’t want a lot as a child.
Growing up was one of my only few actual needs in life
I could almost see myself as a grown up
A very well performing individual and just
with the right amount of quirkiness, weirdness and smartness,
I had it figured

I knew since I was eight,
that I would fit better as an adult, then I did as a child

But people don’t really give justice to how bizarrely different it is
- growing up, becoming an adult, I guess
Everyone’s tired, I think.
No one really has the time
and space to explain to kids how tiring it is
to grow up


Ultimately,
there is no one taking care of you
You’ve made more mistakes than you can handle
owe up to, apologize to, or run away from


You’ll create wounds so deep,
they will never heal,
and you’ll run out of people.
You’ll run out of love, kindness and patience
I don’t really know if one heals from all that


There are memories though,
like the sun coming in through the window at 5 pm
or the taste of soft scrambled eggs and cheese,
or the smell of lavender,
or the kiss of a stranger,
or requited love,
or being at the beach,
or touching dogs,
or sometimes just cleaning.


There is joy in the world.
It’s hiding behind counters
and in the nooks of ice cream shops

Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath
and you’ll realize

you never ran out of love
or kindness
or patience


It was hiding in that nook right before your eyes,
did you see it?